Zodiacal Appeteasers
Sampler Platter
June 2005

Happy Birthday Twinkys! (Gemini)

Life is a carnival, and Twinkys are always looking for fun. There is plenty to be had this year with Jupiter, the big round jolly guy, rolling around in your "house of fun", even bringing in a buddy or sidekick (maybe even your very own "mini me"!) to double your pleasure. Just remember to play fair, or you might end up playing alone! Keep in mind other humanoids have things called "feelings" when you invite them for a spin in your experimental ride: the Quantum Infinity Brain-Bamboozler. Start with the slower settings and see how they take it before throwing it into Maximum Mercurial Mind-Muddle. Keep a bucket handy.

Mid-July money matters make an about-face as grumpy ol' Saturn finishes his 2 1/2 year tour of duty at your Penny Arcade in the Crab Shack (Cancer). You are now an expert at getting by on a shoestring. No more feeling like a dumpy chump/ skinny ninny as the Fun-House mirrors begin to reflect a more favorable self-image, enhanced with newly installed “reality lighting”. A nice change from the "Oh, m'gawd, do I look like THAT?" No, you don’t- your “evil twin” was tweaking the warp-factor on the mirrors from the inside. If you were cocky, you'd have been knocked down a notch or two. A tough teacher, wise and noble Saturn does not tolerate arrogance or insolence. You WILL get the lesson, whether or not it has to hurt is your choice.

Love is in the air...or is that the smell of funnel cakes? Both may call for a good antacid. Extremified come here/ go away flirting tactics could land you some mutant mates this year. Religious fanatics, addicted victims, deep-sea divers, techno-geeks, or slippery-flippered Selkies (you know, the sea-beings of Celtic legend that shape-shift between seal & human form) could feature among the side-show attractions. If you are very lucky some highly spiritually evolved soul will appear to put you in touch with your feelings (yes, you do have them!). Well, at least it will be interesting...

Health is transformed through unconditionally accepting yourself and releasing destructive habits as Ceres, the Great Mother and Goddess of the Harvest swings her sickle, culling the crop of deep-rooted bad seed and aberrant weeds.

Note your speedy little planet Mercury goes Retrograde (Rx) three times from now until your next B-Day. Give yourself extra good care, rest and fruit smoothies with double-shots of wheat grass during these times. Highlight these dates on your calendar:

2005:

Jul. 23- Aug. 15

Nov. 14- Dec. 3

2006:

Mar. 2- Mar. 24

June 24-26, 2005 take a gander upward to the night sky to see Mercury in a three-some with Saturn and Venus.


Lamb Chop (Aries)

Tired, listless, lost in a daydream (or a very large department store) since the end of April? Where is that bloody exit!?! April 30th your rocket splashed down into the mystical waters of Pisces for 6 weeks of deep cleansing and spiritual renewal, closing out a 2 year cycle that began back in December of 2003.

Let the salt-sea of tears go for all that “didn’t”, and be purified. Enjoy the strange creatures you meet while in this deep watery dream world, but keep in mind they are all a part of your own unconscious bringing new insights to where you can be/have been lured onto a baited hook. Stop, wait, and see what happens when someone else takes that tantalizing bait. You’ll get to see beforehand if or where there is a nasty hook. See there are advantages to not being first every time!

June 12th prepare for lift-off as Mars, your fiery red planet, launches out of the languid liquid of emotional Pisces and jettisons back home into action-oriented Aries beginning a brand new 2-year cycle. That long romantic drought is about to end in a cloudburst. In the words of The Weather Girls: It’s Raining Men (or Women), Hallelujah! Sensitive communication is KEY during this cycle. Sharp tongue? Give us a cuddle instead (because that‘s really what you crave)!
Group experiences prove healing, wounding or just plain bizarre. Releasing old control issues gives your true passion wings on which to soar. Fire + Water = Steam. A clean, green fuel for your freshly cleansed, glistening candy-apple red Rocket! Prepare for lift-off. Countdown, T-minus 10, 9, 8...


Steak Tartar (Taurus)

The Bodacious Bovine wants things to be "perfect" which, in your mind, means all your way. Your terrible secret is out- you are a mega control-freak! Now you have this perfect home in your perfect world filled with all the perfect stuff. Sure it looks great and the ol' bod feels real comfy there, but then you notice how lonely you are. Trouble is there's not much room for someone else and their preferences.

You really want a partner, but keep in mind he or she is not just another "accessory" for decorating your home or life. Nor are they a minion to implement your plans of world domination (even if that world is a 1/4 acre plot!). This is a human being with needs, goals and preferences all their own that may or may not match your favorite china pattern or that specific retirement plan you had in mind.

If you truly want a special someone to share your life with, COMPROMISE is the KEY to creating a comfortable inviting space in which to share a life with your sweet baboo. Let your honey move the easy chair a few inches or pick out the music for a change. Try leaving the dishes in the sink overnight (oh, how kinky!) in favor of a little luvin'. Practice this until you no longer freak out when it happens. A small shift the mind creates a bigger space in the heart. Break free of the security blanket of a boring, carved-in-stone routine and see what wonders await you!

Your pocketbook is jam-packed with jumpin' Gemini June bugs this month. So many cute little thing to do and buy. Don't let them scatter your resources to the wind, and don't let your wind scatter your resources! Indulge in a new book of short stories, dual-colored lip gloss or some airy-fairy gossip mags.


Crab Cakes (Cancer)

Oh, darlin’, it’s almost over! Take a hankie and dry your teary sweet moon-eyes, ‘cause that spanking from Disciplinarian Daddy Saturn for all your naughty refusals to take care of yourself and set clear boundaries with others is about to end. Yes, it seems he was mean to you, but it was all done in the name of tough-love. He had to allow things to get so bad that you would finally take the action required for self-preservation. You spend so much time and energy taking care of the world that you forget yourself. Depression set in as you woke up to realize your little boat had drifted onto a sand-bar, leaving you stranded far downstream from your dreams and goals. Stop being a snot-blotter for those that can and should take care of their own boogered-up situations!

Since June of 2003 Saturn has been helping you set boundaries and restructure your life. The heavy, leaded black cloud is about ready to lift. If all is in ORDER (a fave word of Saturn) mid July will bring new sense of lightness and the golden glow of wisdom and renewed self-worth to your door as Venus, goddess of love and beauty, grabs a last dance with old “tin-britches” on the final leg of his sojourn through Cancer. Mercury wants in on the action too, and cuts in for a “quick one”. Mercury + Saturn + Venus = Communicating Enduring, Mature Love & Beauty. Take a look up in the sky for a few nights around June 25th and see them shining in the heavens together.


Acqua al Fresca (Aquarius)

Where did all the money go? You’re upset with yourself for being so gullible. Researching technology to convert Havarti into Swiss Cheese by enlarging the holes sounded like a good cause at the time. I mean the Swiss are so neutral, and well, there’s just no telling what those crazy Danes will do. They did give us Hans Christian Anderson, but then they put all those funny slashes through their O’s.

If your reality feels a bit cheesy or full of holes, try a chunk of group meditation to close those gaps and digest the lactose. For extra-vibrant health this month, ooze down to your local farmers’ market and add some fresh, home-grown veggies to dip into your fondue. Consult Cappie or Virgo the next time you want to invest.


Pesce Primavera (Pisces)

Mars & Uranus recently dropped an electric eel down your jammies, jolting you wide-awake from a much-too-long slumber. Now you’re spittin’ mad. Not so much because of the interrupted sleep, but because you now clearly see where your vast ocean of kindness and compassion has been used and abused. Avoid the trap of saving a drowning victim only to become one yourself. The haunting “Sweet Dreams”, sung by British soul-queen Annie Lennox (Eurhythmics), tells all. Dive into your dusty collection from the 80’s and give this old pearl of wisdom a new listen.

Now don the rubber diver’s suit and gloves and grab that eel by the tail as your own “stun gun” to make it crystal clear that, despite a usually passive appearance, you are not a person to be trifled with. If they try anything fishy, don’t hesitate to give ’em a little zap to show ’em you do mean business.


Animal Crackers

Now don’t get all bent out of shape cuz ya didn’t get a big fat special section on yer own sign this time around. Twinkys have a birthday this month- so it is their turn to wear the funny hat and have the special song. (Oh, c'mon Leo, you know you'd rather have a crown -or diamond tiara- anyway! We're working on that right now- 18K yellow gold, engraved with "HRH" and your name in elegant script.) The other featured folks had some major stuff going on this time around, so they got some extra attention. Never fear, your turn will come!
Secret trick - if you know your Moon Sign or your Rising Sign (Ascendant/ASC), you can read that one too. Example: if you are a Sagittarius or Leo Sun, but have Gemini Rising or Moon, then you could read Gemini and then wonder who has been following you around spying on you. Gemini could be a bad example though, as they often prove contrary. It’s not that they really don’t agree with or believe in what you say, it’s more for the fun of arguing! If you really do have this combination, you probably need to be committed anyway.

Copyright (C) Julia Steffey, 2005. All rights reserved.